My topic is going to be the media’s perception and influence around steroids in sports, particularly in baseball.
Thesis 1: The media’s influence and power regarding steroid use in sports can be examined through athletes in major athletic affiliations, particularly in the ongoing Barry Bonds scandal.
Thesis 2: The media manipulation of stories about steroid use can be seen by the correlation between Barry Bonds steroid scandal and his previous poor treatment of media professionals.
Thesis 3: The media’s influence in the judicial system of the United States of America can be seen through the correlation of the amount of the media’s focus on a steroid user, and the amount of incitements against that particular individual that follow.
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3 comments:
Hokey. So.
Thesis 1: This is good. Nice and basic. Gets your point across clearly.
Thesis 2: Is more developed than 1. Is also very obtuse; you're going to want to make the sentence simpler. I had to read it two or three times to get it. I get it now but try to clear it up.
Thesis 3: Is more developed than 1. You have a random comma that shouldn't be there, but otherwise I really like this one. I feel you will find a lot of info both for and against your thesis, so I want to see your finished work.
All in all, 1 is the simplest and the most general. 2 would be interesting to read and easy to include quotes. 3 is my favorite.
Your topic is very timely. I think it will make for an interesting paper. However, the wording of the topic is a bit jumbled (i.e. perception and influence around steriods) but easily remedied.
Thesis 1: A little long winded. The word "power" is a little vague and in context seems to repeat the idea of influence. The Barry Bonds scandal would be a good example to elaborate on, however.
Thesis 2: I like the form and the claim but the thesis is a little vague. This would be a good argument.
Thesis 3: I like this thesis the most. The claim is very interesting and would make for a good paper. The wording of the last phrase "and the amount... that follow" could be cleaned up, however.
good stuff.
I really like your topic because it is very hot in the media today. I agree w/ what inwhitelights said about your form. My advice is to repeatedly read your writing aloud, you may look retarded, but it helps.
My only advice other than grammar is that you leave barry bonds out of your thesis. He is a very good concrete example, but you already have a very clear and specific topic. That will also allow for more variety in your examples (I know I don't want to read 12 pages on Barry Bonds).
overall that's a good topic, though.
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